Finding Color in the Gray

I didn’t get to know Sue when we went to Bible college together; she took different classes than me to earn a different degree, she lived in a different dorm, and she hung out with different friends. However, I’ve learned a lot about Sue in the last few years that has led me to believe that we have more in common than I realized:

• She has three boys that she loves to pieces, and yet they still make her pull her hair out.
• Her husband (whom I did get to know a little in college) is one of the major truth-tellers in her life; luckily, they love each other a lot.
• She has a weakness for chocolate.
• She likes High School Musical movies and Radio Disney.
• She is a pastor’s wife.
• To follow God, she has made at least one major move, at least once with children in tow.
• She deeply loves God, but often gets hung up on the day-to-day struggles of housecleaning, sour milk in the mini-van, serving snacks every two minutes to her boys, and laundry. (She has a great song that combines her loathing of laundry with her love for HSM.)

In my first post for Color in the Gray, I admitted to staying up until 1:00 am reading mom blogs. The one that had the most effect on me was Sue’s Confessions of a Tired Supergirl. I was laughing out loud, then crying, then laughing again, all within the same five-minute time-span. Reading Sue’s blog did two things for me: first, it helped me realize that whether or not I enjoy my life is up to my perspective, not my circumstance. Am I going to get caught up in the gray-ness of my life, or am I going to celebrate the specks of color that flicker through it, even if just for a moment? Secondly, when I read her “confessions,” I felt more than ever that I am not alone in my day-to-day life as a wife, a mom, a daughter, and a friend.

Sue Foth Aughtmon’s My Bangs Look Good and Other Lies I Tell Myself was recently published, and when I saw the opportunity to be part of her book blog tour, I couldn’t pass it up. Her book is just as refreshing as her blog, flavored with the same frankness, wit, humor, and vulnerability about her own life, all pointing to life-changing truths that we tired supergirls (“tsgs”) often forget.

As I read each chapter title, I frequently thought, “Hmmm…. I think I’m good on this one.” However, the more I read, I came to realize that I had forgotten the truth and succumbed to believing the lie. I think I’m especially vulnerable to lies right now. Here are just a few of the parts that spoke to me:

• With all the craziness, upheaval and unknown of this season, I’ve fallen prey to Lie #7: God Doesn’t Hear Me.
• In another chapter, Sue wrote, “[The Liar] often likes to paint the corners of our souls with fear.” Doh! He got me again!
• Throughout my life, one of my deepest desires has been to fulfill my God-given purpose and make a difference on this earth. However, as I look at my list of tasks and my list of short-comings, I often start believing Lie #6: God Can’t Use Me. I resonate with Sue’s line in the book that says, “Some mornings I feel truly uninspired by who I am.” Then she reminds me of the Apostle Peter and the truth that I need to be ready for God to use me.

Not only is the content right on the money, but the structure of the book is in perfect, bite-sized pieces for busy supergirls. In an average of just five pages per chapter, Sue is able to engage you and then walk you through to the life-changing principle. That’s only about five minutes of reading per chapter! It’s great for reading on your own, but it would even be perfect for a coffee/chat time with fellow tsgs because it has a few simple questions to discuss after reading each chapter.

There’s a lot of truth-telling crammed into those five minutes, and when you put the book down, you’re left with a lot to chew on. You should buy it because it’s fun (I laughed out loud at least once per chapter!) and because it’s inspiring. It’s available now at your favorite bookseller from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group.

By the way, after you read this book, you should also go back and read All I Need is Jesus and A Good Pair of Jeans. Or better yet, order them both at the same time!

NOTE: I received a complimentary copy of this book from Baker Publishing Group. This has neither positively nor negatively biased my review.

Easter is one of the busiest times of year for a pastor’s family: Multiple services in the evenings leading up to Resurrection Day, and for children’s pastors, egg hunts on Saturday morning. As much as I would love to have special “Holy Week Family Devotions,” the early suppers with Henry eating and running don’t leave room for that. And I tend to be and all-or-nothing person. If I’m going to have contemplative devotional time with my family, I want the environment to be right, and I want time to really talk things out with my kids. I also want Henry there to take the reins. So this year, once again, we didn’t really have family talk-times leading up to Easter.

And to be honest, I didn’t even take personal time to contemplate the cross. When The Passion of the Christ came out on dvd, I bought it with the intention of watching it every Good Friday, but it’s still in its wrapper. The most contemplation I was able to do this year was just a worship song here or a thought there through the week.

By Saturday afternoon as I was getting the house and food and Easter outfits ready, I was feeling discouraged about even celebrating Easter at all. If I don’t even take the time to acknowledge Jesus’ (and God’s) sacrifice, then I am treating it as the Chocolate Bunny Holiday.

That evening after supper, the holiday festivities for the Zonios could begin. I had made a double batch of my mom’s bread recipe so I could make buns for Easter supper and hot cross buns for breakfast. I was running short on time, so I decided to have the four kids do the rolling. Henry and I just took the appropriate-sized chunks of dough off and kept handing them out to the kids, and we had the first half of rolls ready in about 3 minutes!

Then I had an idea, so the kids helped make the evening’s dessert. We gave them the same size chunks of dough for making rolls, but then we also handed them marshmallows to stuff inside. (I cringed a bit thinking, “But we can’t have these Resurrection Rolls until Easter morning!” I went ahead with it anyway because I need to stop being so uptight!) I set aside the rest of the dough to make Hot Cross Buns after the kids went to bed.

Then came time to dye eggs. All of a sudden I remembered how much wait-time is involved in dying eggs, and I thought about the messes and arguing that would ensue. My quick-thinking worked to my advantage this time, and I told Henry, “Go get the Resurrection Eggs so we can do them while the eggs are sitting in the cups!”

It worked out so well! Of course, there was lots of chaos, and we weren’t all focused on the same thing at the same time. Instead, Henry took charge of the Resurrection Eggs, and while one kid’s hands were free of real eggs, they took turns opening the plastic eggs and peeking at the prize inside. Maxson hardly paid any attention to the egg-dying process, as he was excited about the prizes and story being told by them. It wasn’t even structured, but all the kids bounced in and out of the conversation. Maxson acted out all the parts of the Passion from his chair: “And they put the crown on Jesus’s head like this!” as he placed the 3-inch plastic ring on his head.

Of course, there was arguing going on over who would open the next plastic egg, along with, “Who has the invisible crayon?” and “I want to use green!” There was a lot of commotion. However, I enjoyed hearing the spontaneous contributions the older kids were making to the story too.

I love structure and directed, deliberate conversations; quiet contemplation and Scripture-reading stir up reverence and gratitude in my soul. But this spontaneous, busy, random conversation we had with our kids fed my soul too. Even this crazy moment filled my heart and mind with awareness of what was done for me. It was the spiritual preparation for Easter I needed.

After the egg-dying and plastic-egg opening was over, the kids got their jammies on just in time for the Resurrection Buns to be eaten. They all had fun breaking open their rolls to find that they were empty. It wasn’t a deeply spiritual moment, but it was fun!

Last night as I was going to bed, I thought over the week and how it had all transpired. It’s always crazy for a mom to get ready for any holiday, and I’ve struggled for years to try to find a quiet place to stop and consider the meaning behind the festivities and the preparations. This year, I was able to find a few moments here and there to remember, and most of those moments were noisy and busy. God spoke straight to my heart and mind through the chaos.

I’m thinking right now how glad I am that we have holidays and  that there are children. Holidays are our opportunity to stop and remember what happened. Because of children, we are compelled to tell the story. Every time we tell the story, something else will stand out and resonate with us. I don’t have to throw out the festivities because I can’t find time for contemplation; I just have to find a way to make it all work together.

It’s an old idea that I’ve heard throughout my life, but this morning the Holy Spirit renewed my understanding of it in light of our current circumstances:

The same power that raised Christ from the dead is the same power that is in work in me. It is the same power that is making a way for our new life in California.

Like I said, it’s nothing new, but just being made aware of that gives me renewed confidence that God knows what He’s doing and is able to do it. That power is at work on my behalf. It’s going to be okay.

photo from Flickr, posted by Horia Varlan

When we envision or hope for God to do something in our lives, we picture what should better be called “magic.” We trust Him to wave his magic wand, and – poof! – things are no longer as they were. What once was is no longer, or what once wasn’t, all of a sudden is. A path suddenly clears for us. A tumour disappears. Negative feelings are instantaneously replaced with positive. Sometimes God works His “magic,” and that is what we like to call a miracle. And it really is.

But most of the time, God’s miracles look more like chemistry. In order for something to be changed in chemistry, there is a process. Things are combined and stirred up. Heat is applied. There is often a waiting period. And the most exciting ones (according to my bio-chemistry major husband) involve explosions. There has to be some kind of reaction for change to happen.

If we think about it, chemistry is just as awe-inspiring as magic. We have to wait for it to happen, but we can see the process as it unfolds. Amidst the stirring and the heating and the explosions, change is taking place at the molecular level. It’s not simply an illusion – we know for certain that it’s real.

This kind of God-activity in our lives should also be called a miracle, as it is the most common way God works in our lives. It is a miracle that He would even love us enough to want to.

Here are some things that have put a smile on my face lately:

1. For the past several months, Jeremiah (10) and Elia (8) have been using their word “discluding.” Here’s how they use it: Last night I told Elia that I wanted her to empty her laundry basket, including all the little things I’ve found in the house and put in there. She responded with, “But not everything in there is miiiiiiiiiine! So discluding that stuff!” I love it so much I don’t even correct them. They’ll figure it out.

2. The other day, Anneliese was in her room getting dressed. she came out in a tealy-green, sparkly, long-sleeved tee, a brown corduroy skirt, and turquoise tights. The best part was when she excitedly pointed to her head and said, “My brain helped me and told me it would look cute!” She was all smiles!

3. Hearing Maxson quote ET. “You’re scaring him! You’re scaring him!” “ET phone hoooooooome.”

4. Watching Jeremiah (10) get giddy excited about our upcoming trip to Universal Studios, Orlando. That new Harry Potter part of the park is keeping him awake at night! He can’t wait to buy a wand and chocolate frogs! (He also has a list of friends who want him to bring back chocolate frogs for them.)

5. Anneliese woke up the other day at 6am. I told her, “Go back to sleep!” and she said, “I can’t! I’m too excited for school!” I’m so glad she loves school.

6. I love when Elia does her hair in a ponytail in the back, a ponytail on one side, and a braid on the other. While I don’t find it very attractive, I just love her for her eccentricity!

7. Hearing my kids talk about our upcoming move. They’re working through the sadness, but from what they say, they’re grasping hold of the positives of the move too. “We’ll get to have birthday parties with our cousins!” “No more heavy coats, toques, snow pants or boots!” “Bike-riding ten months out of the year!”

I do need solitude to breath, but these things nourish my soul.