Finding Color in the Gray

Eeyore. I can really relate to him some days. He’s ho-hum and melancholy, and it never occurs to him to look on the bright side. Even though I can be positive about certain things, I often default to pessimism, or as I like to call it – realism. Just like Eeyore, I feel like that storm cloud has attached itself to the space above my head, and I can’t shake it. It leaves me feeling just like him – gray.

There are some parts about my melancholy that I really like – I’m organized, introspective, and thoughtful. However,  it also keeps me from enjoying my life today. I take myself way too seriously and I try to fix rather than celebrate. I want to laugh more, play more, dream more. I want to be in the moment with my kids because they are growing up too fast.

A couple of years ago, I found myself reading through several mom blogs, even staying up until 1:00 am because I was so entertained. I thought to myself, “I wish my life were that exciting. Instead, my kids get on my nerves, my house is a mess, and I don’t get to do the things I like to do. My life is flat, dimension-less.”

Then it hit me: the lives of the moms who were writing are really no different than mine; the difference is just that somehow they are able to see the dimension in their everyday happenings. After wading through my envy, I began asking God to help me see the colour in my seemingly-gray life.

Since asking God to help me, I’ve found myself stepping back from the moment and looking at it as if through someone else’s eyes. I think of words to describe the moment, other than “frustration,” “fatigue,” and “whining.” I’m looking for the humor, the connection, the God-moments, and I imagine it is someone else’s story. And you know what? It’s working.

Eeyore may be gray, but his world is full of vivid colours: Rabbit is yellow, Tigger is orange, Piglet is pink, and Pooh is orangey-yellow. And if he would notice all the colour around him, maybe that storm cloud would just go away.